Monday, March 7, 2011

stupid criminal jokes

Sometimes ya just have to laugh....

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "Ok" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Gunman Simon Kingstree failed to rob a bank in Carolina, US, because staff kept laughing at his big ears - even when he threatened to shoot a cashier.


A man broke into a home and stole, among other things, men's jewelry and New Orleans Saints season tickets. The police arrested him the following Sunday at the Super Dome. He was wearing the homeowner's ring and watch and seemed surprised that the police had found him so quickly.


The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.



Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.


Oklahoma City...Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.


Former prisoner James Knapp confessed to police that he'd robbed two stores in Oklahoma, US, because he missed his old cellmates. Police said they'd see if James could be reunited with his old friends.

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